It's Been a Minute

I use this blog as a point of expression; it keeps me sane and allows me to vent. I have taken a break from so much in my life in an effort to regain my focus. In doing so I have gained clarity; about who I am and what exactly I need to do in order to successfully thrive in society and LIFE period. I know that no one except me and God can create my happiness so I am going to continue to make the decisions that are most beneficial to myself and my son  the best decision I ever made was the decision to better myself and with that being said going forward; I will continue to treat myself as my top PRIORITY. I know you only get back what you give and so I am moving forward and refusing to settle because in the LONG RUN compromising one's self is COUNTERPRODUCTIVE. I am prepared to walk this journey alone if only for a little while because I refuse to COMPROMISE myself in any way!!

You Ain't Slick!!!!!

So he only texts you or hits you up via inbox on Facebook or IM and when you question him about it his response more or less is: Baby you know I'm Busy. LMAO that's code for I have a Girlfriend or a Fiance/Wife and you are not a priority but I do want to have SEX with you!!! Or we have been getting it in and I don't want it to stop but I have a situation and I WANT MY CAKE AND EAT IT TOO....Don't fall into the trap of this nonsense become unavailable.... you THINK if he didn't have a situation he would make the time and because of his situation he isn't and shouldn't be making the time for you. Please you will never be a priority for him so don't fool yourself!!! So you can tell him YOU AIN'T SLICK.....CALL HIM ON HIS BS.....LMAO. I promise he'll get the hint and either leave you alone or more importantly tend to his SIGNIFICANT OTHER. Let's be honest you don't want him to leave her for you because KARMA AIN'T NO JOKE ;-). THE SAME WAY YOU GET HIM WILL BE THE SAME WAY YOU LOSE HIM......TRUST!!

The Situation

Ok ladies and gents I'm really tryna understand something. You meet someone you find them attractive and you're either married, engaged or in what's suppose to be a relationship but you somehow feel intrigued and can't walk away so you refer to your relationship as a situation. Thus explaining that you love this person but you are allowed to cheat; or have an open relationship; or simply just letting this person know what the situation is so there aren't any expectations outside of sex. My question is a simple one: If you want to behave as if you're single why not be single? It's not hard you simply leave and  move forward with your life without this other person. It's such a selfish act and even when the 3rd party agrees in the beginning they only do so with the MORBID thought that somehow you'll realize they're awesome and only want them. What I know for a fact is that this will never be the case and even if for some strange reason you were picked the same way you get him/her is the same way you lose them. So when you hear I GOT A SITUATION SIMPLY SMILE AND WALK AWAY :-)

Jaded..............Yup!!!!!

This won't be long I promise you. I have looked at love and relationships through every aspect that I possibly could nonetheless I am JADED. I am sick of being told you're BEAUTIFUL, I LOVE YOU, YOU CAN COUNT ON ME, I WANNA MAKE YOU MY WIFE, YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND. When I was younger I was always ecstatic when I heard these things but now after experiencing life I am JADED it all sounds like BS and I am sick and tired of it all. So my response going forward is simple......ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS......So until the actions and words match I will not give 100% I will be a little DESPONDENT ....because this will protect my best interest. Everyone at some point must put themselves first and I have reached that point. So I am JADED my experiences and life have made me this way I accept it wholeheartedly.

The Double Standard!!

Dating in your 30's is completely different than dating in your 20's. In your 20's as a woman you wait to be approached and your more than ready to be faithful and as soon as you find the so called man of your dreams you are ready to get married. In your 20's everything has a deadline of when certain accomplishments are made and you are more willing to compromise. In your 30's there's a new awakening you may have spent the last 5-10 years in a relationship that didn't work and after having children, graduating from college and maintaining a household you have a clearer outlook on life. In your 30's if  your dating you decide that things will be a lot less stressful if you weigh your options. So you date more than one man at a time and when one gets on your nerves you call up another one or when they're both being annoying you bask in the fact that you don't have to answer to either one. I have decided that I will live my life on my own terms and I do not plan on acting like a man but I definitely will not settle on whoever approaches me just because they are interested. I learned a long time ago that a person only gives you what you accept and as long as you accept the bare minimum you will continue to receive JUST THAT. So in my 30's I am more than happy with being alone or dating on my own terms and no one else's ....LOL 

But You're Pretty........Why are You Single?????

For the last 5 months or so I have heard these very words: You're Pretty....Why Are You Single??? Why would someone leave you or what made you leave them?? Here it is being pretty is not enough to hold a relationship together ....I know this and so I am always willing to put my best foot forward when entering any relationship....but.....since I have gotten older I now realize that just because I am single and pretty it doesn't mean that I am unhappy. I have reached a point in my life where I would rather not settle for less; so I am perfectly fine with being single until my ideal mate is found. Great sex, and great conversation or great cooking is just not enough there are so many different aspects of the spectrum that must be addressed and if those needs are not being met then I would prefer to be alone and dating or not dating whomever I choose ;-)

Maybe Just One More!!

I'd never thought I would remotely even consider this but as my son is getting older I am thinking; maybe; just maybe I should have another one (kid); so that I can get some rest. Who knew I would have to be a playmate, a teacher, a companion and sole entertainment 24/7.... OMG what was I thinking??? I read the books; I watched the TV shows; I saw the interaction of my family members and their children and got sucked in....LOL. Don't get me wrong I Love, Love, Love my son to pieces but being a Mom is serious work!!! THIS MIGHT BE THE HARDEST JOB I EVER HAD. There are no days off, there is no pay & my son could care less if I am sick or having a bad day. Soooooooo maybe just maybe I could get a break if I had one more because then they could entertain each other (BRILLIANT!!!). I could get naps and have a more normal life and things would be a little less complicated.....BUT......then I remembered the sleepless nights and 2 hour feedings, potty training and I snap back to reality. Soooooo Maybe One More is UNREALISTIC based on my CIRCUMSTANCES....BUT THE THOUGHT SURE DID EASE MY MIND :-)

You Make Me Sick!!

I tried to like him really I did....very nice guy......great conversation......BUT....... and there is always a but.....he was not attractive to me in any way shape or form. At first I was like get over it looks aren't everything. My mom told me I'm getting older and my choices are becoming more scarce...I LOL because I knew she was right. I talked to my best girlfriends and they said give him another shot he's not that bad we saw his pics. I said he must have a trick camera because he looks nothing like those pics....I know you're thinking that's mean.....but hey I'm being honest. So I give it one last shot to no avail and this time I became violently ILL. My stomach is churning, my nerves are bad and this is effecting my attitude because he's being insensitive trying to make a move even though I have made it clear that I DON'T FEEL WELL. So finally I get rid of him and slowly but surely I begin to feel better. Never have I ever had that response to anyone so never again will I go against my better judgement and make myself available to someone I am really not attracted to. So ladies and gents if they Make You Sick Literally do yaself a FAVOR and LEAVE them ALONE....no need in wasting time you can never get it back!!!

Thick in the City

Real women have curves not exactly sure why society has forgotten that but it's ANNOYING!! Men can go bald, gain weight, be out of shape, have poor hygiene, and they can also be unattractive and it is ok they are accepted regardless. If it's ok for them why is there such a stigma attached to the very same thing for women. I embrace my curves I am a beautiful woman and a great dresser I would not mind toning my curves up some but I'm still quite the HOT TAMALE!! I believe women will always be SCRUTINIZED .... as long as they are uncomfortable with their appearance. Embrace who you are and be confident in who you are. The individual that is unable to accept this is not the one for you anyways. No one wakes up looking amazing every morning no matter WHO THEY ARE.  There is always preparation is INVOLVED. I choose me and I love me first I don't care who doesn't like it!

Mr. 23!!!

I've been single for quite some time and at this moment it is definitely by choice. At first I thought to my self "Why don't you just do what you're used to doing and just be in a relationship"? Then I thought about the fact that I really don't have the time or patience for that right now so there is no need to rush into anything and as soon as I do that then Mr. 23 calls. Hey I missed you haven't heard from you in awhile how you been. My reply: I'm fine plenty busy glad to see you're doing well. A bunch of mindless catch up conversation and then he says look it's been almost a year I'm trying to be your man. I instantly LOL because I know he can't be serious. I mean yeah he's been in contact and yeah we've seen each other but we haven't really bonded enough to be in a relationship. So I say are you certain that's what you want I mean you don't seem to be available for that. His reply just give me some time that's what I want. Look Mr. 23 I get it we're vibing and you're digging the physical but by no means are you ready to be in a relationship. Let's get serious I come with responsibility and you have no obligations outside of your few bills. The young ones are fun; they make you feel young and they also keep you entertained. But Mr. 23 I'm not some old biddy without options on a good day I look 25 so why would I make myself available to you now Hummmm let me think I know it's CUFFING SEASON & YOU DON'T WANNA HAVE TO GO FISHING. LMAO I learned a long time ago that everything that looks good ISN'T NECESSARILY GOOD FOR YOU...SOOOOOOO I'LL PASS.....Call me in a few years maybe you'll be ready then.....NO CUDDY BUDDY OVER HERE!!

The New Girlfirend

We have been broken up for years and the back and forth has ended and now he's in a new relationship. My response instantly was YAYYYYY!! I'm happy for you congrats are you getting married because maybe then you'll leave me alone...LOL but honestly that's how I felt. Then something very strange happened he wants to see our son and we have plans so I tell him not today because we have plans my grandparents are visiting from out of town and now he's pissed. Well instead of compromising and coming up with a resolution he handles it in the most IMMATURE WAY POSSIBLE. He gives her my number and she decides to give me a call (YES HER THE NEW GIRLFRIEND). She introduces herself and I am less than amused she says she's calling on his behalf. I cut to the quick; are you married? do you have children together? Answers all NO. So I say look honey you don't know all the facts don't poke your nose where it doesn't belong. I rip her a new one because I am livid and almost a month later; we; myself and my ex discuss what TRANSPIRED. HE SAID ...SEEMS LIKE YOU'RE STILL ANGRY....MY RESPONSE YOU THINK!!! He apologizes and I say that's nice but your New Girlfriend needs to be apologizing as well.

Hot DAMN!!! The new girlfriend calls and she's apologetic and seems sincere, she realizes she has overstepped her bounds and wants to make amends. I tell her look I know why you did what you did but you should have gotten all the facts before you plunged in head first. You let him manipulate you and basically feed you to the wolves. Yes she agrees.... I say look I don't DWELL in DRAMA I'm too old for that I will let bygones be bygones....and let he know she's on watch.

We had a good talk she shared way too much information but that's fine with me (remember she's on watch...LOL). I wished her luck in this relationship and told her I was not a threat to the survival of their relationship. Her response was she knows that now and she realizes that I know him far better than she does and she will have to be more observant. My take on all of it is this.... NEW GIRLFRIEND's don't force your way into the fold when you have not even been introduced to the child's mother. When he makes you a priority then you can have all the one on one's you like until that time comes BACK OFF!!! Because you might encountered someone like me who will rip you to shreds verbally and have you apologizing every time we speak because you found out I am not the EVIL WITCH he created. Ladies please realize we don't have to be enemies of the NEW GIRLFRIEND....SHE JUST NEEDS TO KNOW HER BOUNDARIES.

FRAGILE NOT!!!!

Ok women are delicate creatures and men are taught to handle them with care from CHILDHOOD....but this does not mean that we are FRAGILE....It is ok if you tell us the truth we can definitely handle it. Hey we are able to give birth, handle menstrual cramps, raise children in a relationship or by ourselves so why men think we cannot handle a small thing like the truth is unbeknownst to me. Something I can assure you is that for every lie that is told we find it annoying and disrespectful and this of course goes both way because no one wants to be lied to. In my own experience, however, men seem to do this more frequently. I am easily agitated and maybe that is because I'm Gemini or because I'm from South Philly ...LOL.....but I FIND IT EXTREMELY ANNOYING WHEN MEN HANDLE ME LIKE I'M A GLASS FIGURINE. I'm tough I was bred this way I can handle the truth and if it's something I don't like or want to hear then I will communicate that to you in that moment. 

I do not bite my tongue my mom raised us to say what is on your mind and move forward whether that is with the person you love or all by yourself. I'd rather learn the lesson early and move forward; than waste time because you're full of crap. So men or in some cases for some of us women....if you come into contact with us and you're not sure what you should do.....I suggest tell the DAMN TRUTH.....it really works to the benefit of the both of you. I..........AM............NOT.........FRAGILE!!!

Poor Communication!!!

So you've been in communication with each other for almost a year; you can go out together and have a blast; the physical aspect of things is amazing!! You completely get each other but there is a problem......He wants you to chase him and your so independent that you refuse to do that; in your mind it doesn't make sense so you wait for him to initiate the contact. He does and you're happy but still kind of annoyed so you talk about it both placing blame on each other...you agree to stop the NONSENSE & SIMPLY COMMUNICATE...Of course this only lasts a few weeks barely a month. So what do you do....you really like each other and you have a bunch of fun together but he's used to being chased and so are you...I mean shouldn't HE BE CHASING YOU ...YOU are a WOMAN....LOL!! So finally you decide enough is enough and you bow out gracefully.....NO LOVE LOST...you'd just rather not settle.

I've said this a million times but men do not settle and we as women should not settle either. If he's feeling you as much as you think he is then....GUESS WHAT???? He'll make the effort and if he can't make the effort than he's not worth the trouble. We've all seen the signs and made ourselves available regardless of what we felt. Sometimes there will be circumstances where He's just not that into you and GUESS WHAT?? It's ok...he's allowed to feel that way and so are you. STOP WASTING TIME...move on to the person that will make you feel AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL...NO MATTER WHO'S AROUND. So even though you thought he was the one and you thought if for no other reason thank the great sex could hold things together... most times that isn't enough and you have to walk away because POOR COMMUNICATION ....ONLY GETS WORSE....TRUST ME I KNOW...& I am single now because I refuse to SETTLE FOR LESS THAN I AM WORTH!!

Toddler Cleaning Blues.....

Ok so you tell your 4 year old son clean your room because by now he is more than capable of doing this chore on his own & the response you get is tears. I mean screaming yelling and almost falling out "really is that what we do"? You say to yourself as you almost lose it because you've been going back and forth for the last hour and then a light bulb comes on you get an EPIPHANY! You say these words.....clean your room or I am throwing every last toy in the trash! You come back room is spotless in record time. 

So now it's the following week this 4 yr old is tricky he's hip to the game threatening to throw his toys out won't work this time he commences to the same shenanigans.......crying , falling out and screaming Mommy No this time!! So now you say be quiet clean this room or I'm taking the TV out of this room......and suddenly there is silence...it's alarming because it's so quiet you have to go in the room to check on your child & guess what he's sleep....YAYYYY! I don't care if the toys are all around the room if I can get this kid to go to sleep without having to almost come to blows I am pleased....LOL.


Oh did you think I had a cure for getting your child to listen???? HaHaHa no not really but I have a recipe to get you some peace of mind.....choose your battles mom there will be more temper tantrums tomorrow :-) 

How Many Kids Did You Say??

So you're broadening your horizons you are trying to be objective and after months of putting yourself out there you meet someone. He's tall, dark and handsome and you are ecstatic! The few conversations that you have are enlightening you haven't laughed so much in your life and then you start discussing children. No biggie you think hey I'm 31 he's 32 by this time you expect that the single men you meet will come with some children in tow. So I reveal that I have one toddler very smart and I'm honest when I say don't really want any more children if I'm not married and he too agrees with this; but still hasn't stated how many kids he has..... So I ask because I'm direct if nothing else. I say plain in simple do you have any kids??? His reply yes 7. I say excuse me did you just say 7? He says yes, I'm speechless but I gather my thoughts maybe he was married and they just really loved kids. The plot thickens; no marriage 7 kids; 3 mothers and out of the 7 2 kids all boys are twins. Picking my bottom lip up I say oh really so you're done right. His response I don't have any girls I wouldn't mind another one if and when I get married. My response oh really I can't imagine. 

Look kids are great but unless you are wealthy and can afford to take care of all of them I have to walk away from anything over 3!! I like sex just as much as the next person but give me a break. Am I suppose to believe that this man who just started working at said job is able to financially and emotionally support 7 boys who do not live with him & then incorporate myself and my son into the mix....NO WAY!! Ladies save yourself some heartache and follow your gut if they have more children than you can tolerate on any given day.... Guess What?! They are not the one for you!!! If you like the individual and think that they should be apart of your life then do what I did.....Give them an Invitation to the Friend Zone. They may not want it or accept but then they can walk away without you going through the motions of them being rejected. It's is nothing wrong with not settling for less..people do it all the time!!!

Guys and Borrowing Money from Women

Recently one of my guy friends made the biggest mistake ever he asked to borrow money! OMG why would he do that things were going along just fine. I was able to vent to him and he could vent to me as well we were there for each other emotionally and then he decided to up the ante! Guys if you don't know this move right here is a major, major, major turn off. A women that is interested in you wants to know that you will be there for her emotionally and financially and she wants to know that you can take care of business. If you are asking her; a woman like myself (a single mom recently laid off) to borrow money then that attraction instantly fizzles! Word of advice play it safe and discuss money matters with you family never someone you're romantically interested in because then you'll start seeing an instant change your calls/text messages will be ignored and they will be moving on without you. Money is a sensitive issue I don't lend it unless I can afford not to get it back and with my circumstances as they are I rather not travel that route. So keep things simple by keeping money out of it especially early on.